so close...and so far

well, what to say?? i'm absolutly speachless...today's sprint qualification was a dream till spectators control and nightmare after it. I missed quite much to the first control, but then i decided to ran as fast i could to reach the final. I felt my skin on forest, i ran on my maximum. I really did it! And after spectators control, after such nice speed,any mistakes, so nice split times after huge mistake to first, i was on 15 place. The door to the final was opened...but my health wasn't good enough. After falling down on stony ground, beating with my head and back on a stony reentrance on long qualification, i was forbiden by doctors to ran. Of course I know what a doctor should say, but i'm much an athlete right now than a doctor. Who could just stand looking others running qualification with the feeling that, for sure, you would be on final? Well, so what I can say more? Three controls from the end I've just collapsed, I was dizzy and ready to fall down in a moment...I ran like stupid, trying just to finish my race and go to final. It was hard to read map, read where were my controls, where to go...Even now I really dont remember anything about this part of race. For sure it wasn't me this time...And again on finish line I overpassed my health possibilities to be awake and i just remember to wake up on the ambulance...again!
Now there's nothing to do. I hope I had a time machine to go back and be healthy to ran long and sprint. Ok, I know that it was good to be so close from final, it was much better than last years. But man, I WAS NOT in the final. That was my goal. I can be on my best shape ever, for sure i am, i could have top10 split times, but unfortunatly good runners aren't those who are good on trainnings, who are on good shape, who have 15place on spectators controls...
That's life!